Leave of absence

The Housebound Writer will return in 6-8 weeks.

And The Winner Is????

Well first off I'd like to thank all you guys for entering into this competition I really enjoyed reading all your entries some of which were great some of which were just well pornographic to be honest yeah I mean you CherryBiscuit, lol, referencing Bad Lieutenant very funny but give a guy some warning before hand. Some came close to winning in fact one in particular was the leading candidate for along time but then I read this one and it blew all the competition away it was that well crafted and the blend of this writer's style and my own worked perfectly which was my main concern with the comp.

My original idea for the prize was to simply post the story here and then a link to the winner's blog but the quality of this writer's work deserves better than that so I will only post a link to her blog where she has posted the story this way you guys will get to experience her work in it's own surroundings and give you the chance to enjoy her other posts while you are there.

So without further adieu the winner of the first Housebound Writer Short Fiction Award is (drum roll) the lovely Ms. Lovy Boheme (standing ovation) here's the link http://lovyboheme.blogspot.com/2010/08/carson-challenge.html and remember to read her other posts as well you will not be disappointed she is an amazingly talented writer, enjoy.

Thanking You

The Housebound Writer

Stressed outside in

I'll post the winner of the short story competition this weekend so Friday will be the deadline and trust me some of the entries so far have been everything from hilarious to downright creepy, lol, good work guys. Just a short post today to talk about a seminar thing I was at last night I'll post again tomorrow or Thursday with some movie news I have received but can't release the info till Thursday at the earliest.

Last night I was at the first of the series of six of the stress control seminar things I have to attend as part of my psychotherapy treatment. They each last 90 minutes with a ten minute break and how those 90 minutes drag, I'm sure I'll get something out of it but sitting in a room full of stressed out women and being sober is unnerving to say the least, lol. There was literally only my brother, two older guys and me and the rest of the 12 or 14 people there were women I guess not a lot of guys want to admit to being stressed.

Night one is all about stress and what stress actually is apparently it's a mix of anxiety and depression and it can come with sleep problems, panic feelings and anger, sounds about right.

Here's some test questions:

Do you find it hard to relax?

Do you find it hard to stop worrying?

Do you worry about worrying?

Do you brood about the past?

Do you find it harder to get through the day?

Do you find it hard to be cheerful most days?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions then you are suffering from stress, the more yeses the more stress you are under. I could answer yes to them all so I'm way stressed going by this seminar.

Here is what I basically learned:

Stress is not a mental illness.

You won't become mentally ill because of stress even if the stress is severe.

You can't die from stress- no one ever has.

Once stress gets a grip of you, it feeds itself.

You can't cure stress only manage it better.

-Once stress gets a grip:

- Self-confidence drops

- Self-esteem drops

- You feel threat from all sides

- You doubt your ability to cope

- You can't stop your mind racing

- You start to avoid facing up to stress

- Your body reacts easily to stress

- You may feel your back is up against the wall

- You may feel that stress brings out the worst in you

- You feel you can't control you life

So with that said I'll find out ways to cope with these stresses over the next five seminars at least I think that's how it works, lol, the whole thing was quite stressful.

Here's a link to the folk that organise it http://www.glasgowsteps.com/

Thanking You

The Housebound Writer

Lazy Housebound Writer

I've been incredibly lazy when it comes to my blog as of late there again four days between posts and this time it wasn't because of writer's block just a mixture of laziness and the thought that my last post was on Monday rather than Saturday.

I meant my next blog post to be the second of my French cinema reviews I had picked two films to watch "A Prophet" & "Mesrine part 1" to recap on them for the post but I never got around to actually watching them. I've posted movie news a lot more than normal recently which I never actually intended for my blog to be quite this movie heavy but a mixture of breaking news that interested me, some of which I have gotten praise online from other sites for being one of the first to break, and the fact that my health issues are seemingly improving (touch wood) I haven't really had much else to blog about.

I also considered posting a short story I had been working on entitled "False Shadow" but it ran to about 15,000 words and I have a 1, 000/1,500 word limit for my shorts that I post on here as most people wouldn't read a blog post any freaking longer than that, lol, and I couldn't bring myself to make 15 blog posts out of it as it isn't that kind of story. So what to post about, do I give in to the inevitable and write another movie news blog post and give my spin on it or something else?

Competition Time!!!!!!!!

I thought what I'd do was write the first couple of paragraphs of a short story and you guys write the conclusion and I'll pick the best one and post it on this blog along with a link to your blog if you have one, yeah you win nothing other than your story getting posted, lol, woohoo right?

Story:

It lacked that new car smell but even at the age of 25 this Mercedes Benz was a new car to Travis. It was the first car he had ever bought and although it may be showing it's age he felt like a million dollars sitting behind the wheel as he watched the coast zip past him as he got lead footed with the accelerator. "Damn it" he thought as he spotted the blue whirl in his rear view, he pulled his car into the nearest lay by and awaited his fated ticket for speeding.

He fished out his documents and awaited the inevitable rap of knuckles against glass and wasn't waiting long. Travis wound down his window and handed his driver's licence over to the awaiting outstreched hand of the officer. 'I know, I know I was speeding I just got a Little bit carried away with my new car.' Travis said in the faint hope that what his Mother always told him to be true, "Honesty is the best policy", but as the officer doesn't respond Travis questioned his own logic maybe keeping stum will serve him better this time.

The officer without warning leans into the Mercedes and retrieves the car keys before strolling back to his car it was at this moment that a sudden shiver stooped through Travis' body as he realised the car parked behind his own wasn't a police car. It was a dark coloured sedan with tinted windows, "Must be an unmarked but aren't there always two cops, where's his partner?" Travis felt a second shiver descend through his body as he realised this guy who now had his ID and car keys was not a cop so what was he?

So in conclusion you write as long or as short a conclusion to this setup as you like and create your own title. I'm interested to see how you guys run with it, will Travis peg it or survive? It's completely up to you guys. Here's the Email address to post your stories to: thehouseboundwriter@hotmail.co.uk good luck.

Thanking You

The Housebound Writer

Mixed bag part 3

Well it's time for another mixed bag collection of random not linked at all stories from Hollywood and elsewhere.

Movie News

Kane & Lynch has now gone into production after several false starts and a couple of Actor changes. The computer game adaptation is likely to be a Summer 2011 smash hit which may surprise those not aware of the game. Most Video game adaptations well they suck to be perfectly blunt but this one is different for two reason, reason 1= The perfect casting of Bruce Willis to play Kane and reason 2= The weird left field casting of Jamie Foxx to play Lynch a part many considered destined for Steve Buscemi or Billy Bob Thornton as the character is completely nuts.

Here's the little plot the game has, two death row inmates, one a mercenary named Kane the other a schizophrenic named Lynch, escape during a prison transport and team up to steal a fortune, I said it was a little plot, lol. The film will be Directed by F. Gary Gray who previously Directed Law Abiding Citizen, The Italian Job (crap remake) A Man Apart, The Negotiator and Be Cool and is written by relative newcomer Kyle Ward who's other credits include the yet to be filmed Hitman 2 and the Lionsgate project Deal With The Devil.

In other Movie news Brian J. Conroy's directorial debut "Darkened Bloom" is finally ready to go into production after 7 months of stalled starts after his original financial backer and distributor disowned the project after he rejected to recast the lead actor after they demanded it. Now what could this actor of done that's so bad that a financier would back out I hear you not say well I'll tell you anyway, after all look at actors like Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Eddie Murphy, Kiether Sutherland have all done things that would jeopardise them if they worked in any other profession well Conroy's lead actor's brother was suspected of terrorism.

He was found innocent but apparently as this guy is his brother the financiers wanted him replaced but Brian being Brian held his ground and now after finding new financiers he is ready to start shooting in Austin Texas so if your from those parts feel free to find the set and tell him AC sent you, lol, he's a cool guy and all you Texans should be proud of him.

Football (soccer) News

East Fife 3-3 Airdrie United

Well the Scottish Football Second Division got officially underway today and the recently relegated beloved club of yours truly faced the stern test of playing East Fife not stern because they are a good team no stern because they are a dirty team and the Airdrie United squad featured players as young as 16 years old as the club is so financially strapped they are relying on former Airdrie under 19 youth players and players they have taken on loan from larger clubs who are also under 19. It wasn't the prettiest of games at times and the inexperience of the young players was evident at all of the East Fife goals although ironically it was Airdrie's most senior player Paul Lovering, 34, who sold the 3rd.

But alas with youth comes greater resolve and greater fan support and they battled back from 3-1 down to level the game and come close to winning in the dying minutes. The team left the pitch to uproarious applause from the Airdrie fans something I haven't heard for a long time. So all in all a good game and a great result for the team to build upon.

The Wager

So recently I was played into making a wager with Emma that if anyone asked for it I would write a poem on this very blog and dedicate it to her and low and behold someone asked. Now that someone just happens to be a close friend of Emma's you could even say they are like sisters, lol, so now I'm stuck having to write a poem something I have done very few times in my life and place it on here and be treated to the inevitable slagging off from friends and family alike.

I thought as my poem will undoubtedly suck big time I would post a rather famous poem by the great Robert Louis Stevenson also so at least some of this blog post won't be a bad read so here goes.

Romance

By

Robert Louis Stevenson

I will make you brooches and toys for your delight

Of bird-song at morning and star-shine at night.

I will make a palace fit for you and me,

Of green days in forests and blue days at sea.

I will make my kitchen,and you shall keep your room,

Where white flows the river and bright blows the broom,

And you shall wash your linen and keep your body white

In rainfall at morning and Dewfall at night.

And this shall be for music when no one else is near,

The fine song for singing, the rare song to hear!

That only I remember, that only you admire,

Of the broad road that stretches and the roadside fire.

And unfortunately it's now my turn so here goes nothing.

Winchin

By Andrew G. Carson

She is truly as bonnie as can be

Wi' the opposite can be said fur me

But she calms mi nerves wi' her smile

So full of love and a hint of guile.

Her banter at times is pure bewildering

I havenae a scooby whit she's uttering

She uses text speak tae confuse her man

I have tae Google tae answer back as quick as I can.

She through me a chance when she came a winchin

Cannae for the life a me see whit she was thinking

Aye she never tells me tae haud ma wheesht

For her lugs carry favour and keep the peace.

She thinks she got one over me with this dare

She doesnae know how much I truly care

If she had asked fur a poem fae mi h'art

I would have gladly recited mi love fae the start.

Barf bags at hand for all who managed to get to the end, lol, and the usual service will be resumed from my next blog post honest.

Index of Scottish Words/slang

fur= for

banter= chat

Scooby= (Scooby doo) no clue

whit= what

tae= to

winchin= courting/ dating

cannae= can't
Aye= yes

hauld ma wheescht= shoosh/ shut up

lugs= ears

doesnae= does not

Thanking you

The Housebound Writer

2 times a Baby

9:54-9:55am(24 rip off alert, lol)

Today's post will be written at two different times today to cover my two hospital visits, yep that's right two hospital visits in one day. The first was a morning appointment for 9am a time I haven't seen on the clock from anything other than a horizontal position in a long time. It was an appointment with the cardiology department to have a mobile ECG fitted for 24 hours so the usual mad panic to get to the hospital on time ensued and as always I was left waiting past my appointment time to be taken, ever noticed if you turn up slightly past your time they don't like it, they make a big song and dance about it and make you feel 2 foot tall but they expect you to be courteous to them when they run late? Double standards or what?

Anyhoo I digress once taken into a tiny side room to get the electrodes attached via a lot, LOT of tape and a quick check to see the machine is working right and off on my way I was, you wonder with turn around like this how they can ever run late. The one piece of advice they gave me 'Go about your normal daily routine', sure as my daily routine always consists of trying not to accidentally rip electrodes of my chest along with hair and a nipple. At least I can see the funny side in it but I just know my weekly trip to the Physchologist later on today at 3pm is not going to be comfortable sitting in that narrow low backed chair I'm going to find it incredibly hard to stay focused on the subject at hand with this gizmo sticking to me.

16:42-16:43pm (still going with the 24 rip off)

Just back from the psychologist office with more homework, I swear it's like being back in high school except maybe it's more believable if you say your dog ate it or you ate it now, lol. This week's assignment is to fill in a form about "Situations which make me feel anxious", is it only me that thinks it would be funny to write filling in this damn form made me feel anxious? LOL just me then, here is a rundown of the various parts of the form.

box1 Situation

Where was I?

What was I doing?

Who was I with?

When was it?

box 2 Anxiety/ subjective Units Of Distress Scale (SUDS) 0-100

basically you fill in on a scale of 0-100 how stressed the previous made you.

box 3 Thoughts (or images)

What was going through my mind?

What am I afraid of?

What does this mean about me?

What does this mean about what the other person thinks about me?

What is the worst thing that could happen if this is true?

Page 2 Putting my anxious thoughts on trial in court

Box 1 Thoughts (or images)

What was going through my mind?

What am I afraid might happen?

Basically a condensed version of page 1

box 2 Evidence for thought

what evidence do I have if any that supports this thought.

box 3 Evidence against this thought

What evidence do I have to prove this thought wrong.

box 4 Summary & Conclusion

What conclusions can I make given all the evidence in box 2 and 3.

This is actually a really great way to work out a lot of issues as much as I loathe filling in forms due to my incredibly poor penmanship (I should have been a doctor) this is a task I look forward to undertaking to discover if I can actually realise when a thought is fuelled by anxiety or not when I'm right there in the moment and if it effects the number of seizures I endure.

Anyhoo I've rattled on enough.

Thanking You

The Housebound Writer