Friday, 18 February 2011

Sit Down Comedy

As I'm in a good mood today for some reason or other I thought I'd do a post filled with some of the really bad jokes I know. They're a bit Jimmy Riddle but bear with me it aint often I'm in a good mood these days. I'm also putting up my latest doodle a self portrait which I'm kinda pleased with as I'm no artist by any stretch of the imagination.

self portrait I doodled on my computer.


An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.

The Englishman says “Look at that marvellous English cow.”
Shaking his head the Irishman responded with “No, that’s an Irish cow if ever I saw one.”
The Scotsman thought for a moment took a swally of his lager and then settled the squabble. “Nah yer both wrong, it’s a Scottish coo- it’s got bagpipes underneath!”
Did you hear about the man who lost his left side?

It was touch and go fir awhile but he’s al right now.              

How dae you get a Scotsman onto the roof?

Tell ‘im the drinks are on the house.

Did ye hear about the Scotsman who married a girl born on February the 29th?
It was so he'd only have to buy her a birthday present every four years?

Did you here the Energizer Bunny got arrested?
He wiz charged with assualt 'n' battery.

Glasgow Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone down the lavvy and he’s in serious financial problems. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.

“God, please help me. Ah’ve lost ma wee store and if ah didnae get some money, ah’m going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!”
come the night of the lottery someone else wins. Joe prays again.
“God please let me win the lottery ah’m going to loose ma car as weel!” come lottery night still no luck. Joe prays again. Ah’ve lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah didnae often ask ye for help and ah have always been a good Christian boy for ye. Please, please let me win the lottery just one time so ah can get back on ma feet!”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God himself thunders:
“Joe at least meet me half way and buy a ticket!”

I'll no burden you way any more.

Thanking you
The Housebound Writer

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