Today's post will be written at two different times today to cover my two hospital visits, yep that's right two hospital visits in one day. The first was a morning appointment for 9am a time I haven't seen on the clock from anything other than a horizontal position in a long time. It was an appointment with the cardiology department to have a mobile ECG fitted for 24 hours so the usual mad panic to get to the hospital on time ensued and as always I was left waiting past my appointment time to be taken, ever noticed if you turn up slightly past your time they don't like it, they make a big song and dance about it and make you feel 2 foot tall but they expect you to be courteous to them when they run late? Double standards or what?
Anyhoo I digress once taken into a tiny side room to get the electrodes attached via a lot, LOT of tape and a quick check to see the machine is working right and off on my way I was, you wonder with turn around like this how they can ever run late. The one piece of advice they gave me 'Go about your normal daily routine', sure as my daily routine always consists of trying not to accidentally rip electrodes of my chest along with hair and a nipple. At least I can see the funny side in it but I just know my weekly trip to the Physchologist later on today at 3pm is not going to be comfortable sitting in that narrow low backed chair I'm going to find it incredibly hard to stay focused on the subject at hand with this gizmo sticking to me.
16:42-16:43pm (still going with the 24 rip off)
Just back from the psychologist office with more homework, I swear it's like being back in high school except maybe it's more believable if you say your dog ate it or you ate it now, lol. This week's assignment is to fill in a form about "Situations which make me feel anxious", is it only me that thinks it would be funny to write filling in this damn form made me feel anxious? LOL just me then, here is a rundown of the various parts of the form.
Where was I?
What was I doing?
Who was I with?
When was it?
box 2 Anxiety/ subjective Units Of Distress Scale (SUDS) 0-100
basically you fill in on a scale of 0-100 how stressed the previous made you.
box 3 Thoughts (or images)
What was going through my mind?
What am I afraid of?
What does this mean about me?
What does this mean about what the other person thinks about me?
What is the worst thing that could happen if this is true?
Page 2 Putting my anxious thoughts on trial in court
Box 1 Thoughts (or images)
What was going through my mind?
What am I afraid might happen?
Basically a condensed version of page 1
box 2 Evidence for thought
what evidence do I have if any that supports this thought.
box 3 Evidence against this thought
What evidence do I have to prove this thought wrong.
box 4 Summary & Conclusion
What conclusions can I make given all the evidence in box 2 and 3.
This is actually a really great way to work out a lot of issues as much as I loathe filling in forms due to my incredibly poor penmanship (I should have been a doctor) this is a task I look forward to undertaking to discover if I can actually realise when a thought is fuelled by anxiety or not when I'm right there in the moment and if it effects the number of seizures I endure.
Anyhoo I've rattled on enough.
The Housebound Writer